y-talks

At this point I am not really sure if we will be able to uncover the mystery of becoming a ghost. Most of the time you don’t even see it coming.

For all intents and purposes I need to clarify that I am not talking about dying or someone else dying. I refer to this “ghost” as someone that used to exist and then cease to exist within a social context.

I felt like a ghost yesterday. When I realized I was a ghost to those who I used to consider good friends. Standing outside looking at my phone and seeing pictures of a place I used to exist in. A context I used to exist in. I used to be alive there. Im also a ghost to the program I was apart of in school. Someone who used to go to classes, someone who was supposed to be graduating in a month. It is funny how sometimes you are your own executer. Ghosting yourself? Not many can say that they’ve ghosted themselves. Being a ghost can be really awkward, you have to play along. Pretend you are really a ghost. You became a ghost to them and now you have to keep the act going. In ghosting yourself to others also means you may become a ghost to your local trader joes. You can’t say I’m not considerate when I’m being so helpful remaining a ghost. You are welcome.

Luckily, I exist in other ways. A non-ghost. It feels nice to exist to people. That they want me to exist to them. It is after all what makes me feel the most alive. existing to others and expressing myself. being myself. being alive. Otherwise I would have no witnesses. Would we exist without others? How would we know who we were if we were a ghost or if there was no one to prove to us that we weren’t a ghost. Thats why it hurts so much to become a ghost. At least you can be both at the same time. I am both a ghost and a non-ghost. a ghost to some, a non-ghost to others. Maybe that helps dealing with becoming a ghost.